I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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