I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Come on in and take your pants off
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