Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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