its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
