ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
