I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
