Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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