I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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