I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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