If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
