Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
