next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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