Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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