Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
