Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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