At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
