pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
