I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
