You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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