so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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