I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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