My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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