I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
