after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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