I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
