Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
