He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
