The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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