he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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