Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
