Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
