Someone shit on the floor
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
