Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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