it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
