My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You pole danced in your parka.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
