I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
