just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There r osticjed everywhere
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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