Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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