I cannot find my penis.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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