just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
