So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it because I queefed?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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