I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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