OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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