last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
