We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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