Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
