ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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