is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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