I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
