So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
