I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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