Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
