Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
