he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
