I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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