Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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