I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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