Kiss
Puke
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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