Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
