: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
