my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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