Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
