You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize